SKULLDUGGERY: PART II

Last March, I came across a couple of "vintage" skull and bones swizzle sticks from the legendary but now defunct Chicago "Ivanhoe Club". I did think they were the cats pajamas until...I found these crystal babies. I may have to have a cocktail party just to bring them out for a test run. On the other hand if someone broke one I might break down and cry. Yes, I love them that much. Did I say that out loud? How sad.

But seriously folks, they come in their own little coffin case! I'd tell you where to buy them, but I'm not found of ads. Oh, okay, I can't resist, try Unica.

I'm not tossing my original skully though. Afterall, he was my first.

p.s. they have a LOT of other awesome skull stuff.

GOT SOMETHING FOR A HEADACHE?

LOOK WHO'S CALLING!

MCMARKETING: WHEN YOU'RE HOT YOU'RE HOT

WHEN YOU'RE HOT YOU'RE HOT: WEIRD SIGNS IN THE COFFEE

How to land on your feet after a marketing crisis? After losing the infamous spilled hot coffee case in the landmark 1995 lawsuit Liebeck v. McDonald’s Restaurants, McDonald's (and just about every company serving coffee) added a warning label to its coffee cups. A few years ago that warning was something to the effect of "Caution: the beverage you are about to drink is very hot".

This morning I was sipping my McDonald's coffee and staring bleary eyed at the photos of the young, hip, gorgeous boy and girl on the cup. A little warning light flickered in my sleepy brain...that light that sometimes goes on at the moment of market manipulation. There it was in black and white, the warning had transformed to "Caution: I'm Hot" with tiny inset lettering stating "Handle with Care".

Maybe they paid another $2.9 million to the marketing genius who came up with that one. It's a warning, it's a (not so) subliminal message. "I love this coffee", I thought to myself, and "I'm so hot"!

Speaking of the creepy aspects of marketing, read a book recently by my pal William Gibson (at least he feels like an old friend) Pattern Recognition. The hilarious thing about this novel is that Gibson has conceived of a character who has a phobia—of brand names!!! Could he have written the whole novel tongue in cheek? Unfortunately this is not a great novel, but it definitely is a great outline of a novel.

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

Stayed at the Sheraton Grand in Sacramento last week. I haven't followed the Americans for Disabilities Act too closely, but I have noticed that hotel rooms have continued to add more and more signage for the hearing impaired. One sign for the fire alarms that always catches my eye says "alarm sounds like whoop". I can't figure that one out because if you have never heard a whoop how would you understand that? and if you have, but cannot hear now (thus needing to read the sign) how would you know there is a sound?

In any case, this time at the Sheraton I noticed that the TV remote control bore a sign which read:

"CLOSED CAPTIONS PRESS MUTE"

Whoever came up with that one ought to go back to the drawing board!

CLAUSTROPHOBIA ANYONE?

Claustrophobia Anyone? - Weird Elevator Signs

As a person with a, shall we say, "dark" sense of humor, I have, over the years, taken for granted my creative imagination. So it gave me pause, to say the least, when I read a sign in the elevator that speculated horrors even I had not considered. The sign reads "There is little danger of running out of air or of this elevator dropping uncontrollably":

I read this thought provoking sign every time I ride the elevator at my apartment--yet every single time I read it I have the same thought--LITTLE danger?

SEXISM AT EDDIE BAUER?

Sexism at Eddie Bauer: Weird Signs of the Times

Women love shopping. Men love gadgets. So it was kismet when my boyfriend and I discovered the Eddie Bauer outlet; a store jammed with cool hiking gear and lots of pretty pigment dyed t-shirts.

And men DO love gadgets. My boyfriend is no exception. So when he found a hikers water bottle with a complete survival kit jammed inside, he simply had to buy it darling. Someone (in China no doubt) had found a way to fit a flashlight, compass, waterproof matches, signal mirror, flare, first aid, tools, emergency blanket and more, inside a plastic water bottle and to package it all up for $19.99. The shear kitsch-iness of it impressed me and I had to grudgingly admit it did cover most of my “lost in the woods” wish list items. I didn’t check to see if the carabiner on the outside was a toy or the real deal, but who would be rock climbing with this kit anyway?

I didn’t tell him that I was pining for one of my own, but I did scan the store and spotted a shelf of them in the woman’s section. But I was in for a surprise when I picked up my kit. The first items I spotted inside the plastic bottle (mine was pink, his was blue) were a nail file and a sewing kit!!! God forbid I be lost in the woods with a missing button and a broken nail! The kit also had a pack of Kleenex, so when my man said “honey do you have a tissue”, I could say “well I didn’t bring my purse but luckily I have this survival kit here”. I hope the kit also had the other “assist your man” items such as chewing gum and tums (for the after effects of all those chili cheeseburgers cooked over the propane stovetop).

I know, I know, he’s the hunter, I’m the gatherer, blah blah blah. But…did it have to be so painfully obvious? Couldn’t I just have a pink compass and flashlight and maybe a compact mirror that could substitute for a signal mirror in a pinch? Well, that will give me something to look forward to when we pass the ERA!